Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Secure Your Mask First


Disclaimer…

This is a personal blog. Any views or opinions represented in this blog are personal and belong solely to the blog owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated.  

I remember flying to Miami one day and the flight attendant began the pre-flight safety demonstration. She gave several instructions, but the one that stood out the most to me was when she explained that if the air pressure in the cannon dropped below standard levels, an emergency oxygen mask was available for everyone on the flight. She then added, “If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” I was perplexed by that rule. I remember thinking to myself, if my child is with me and there’s a drop in oxygen, I’m securing their mask first so that they are safe.

After thinking about that for a short while, I then began to ponder on the reason for being instructed to secure my safety mask before securing my child’s. If I put my child’s mask on first and fail to secure mine, how could I truly help them if something went wrong with me and I died in the process? How could I protect my precious baby in the long run, if I didn’t take all precautionary measures to protect myself enough to survive for them? I had an epiphany that day sitting in my little coach airplane seat as the flight attendant continued to ramble on.

Being in a relationship… For some people, that’s their ultimate goal in life. I didn’t say being in a healthy, loving, or nurturing relationship. I specifically said for some people, their ultimate goal in life is to be in a relationship. I’ve seen people put more effort in securing a relationship than securing “security” for their own future. I’ve seen people spend more time, effort, and energy on providing their significant other with love and attention than they spend on loving and attending to themselves. These individuals are not SECURING THEIR MASK FIRST! How could you truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself? How could you attempt to be someone’s all when you’re broken inside? The only person that I know that could work such a miracle is Jesus. Jesus is the only person that used five loaves of bread and two fish to feed five thousand men. Now, if you’re able to fuel someone’s heart, mind, body, and soul with your very limited heart, mind, body, and soul without compromising yourself in every capacity then so be it. However, based off experience, I don’t see that happening, and if it does, chances are it will not end well for both the receiver and the pleaser.

Let me tell you about my experience with securing someone else’s mask before securing mine.  I dated my first boyfriend when I was around eighteen years old.  That relationship wasn’t healthy by far.  As a matter of fact, all I remember is making frequent withdrawals from my heart and depositing it into his, without ever depositing anything back into my account.  This went on for years until I came to the realization that this cycle wasn’t going to end, so I walked away from that relationship and entered a new one.  This new relationship appeared to be what I wanted at first, until I realized that I was again making withdrawals from my heart and depositing it into someone else’s, and although this time around the guy made some deposits to my heart, it wasn’t half of what I was giving to him.  So, guess what? I walked away from that relationship and entered a new one, and the dysfunctional cycle continued.  From one toxic relationship to another, I was withdrawing from my heart and depositing love into someone else’s and constantly being shortchanged.  I was securing their mask and making sure they were good, all while suffocating from low self-esteem, depression, feelings of abandonment, and so much more.  It wasn’t until I met my fiancĂ©, Tyran Hill, who challenged me to love myself first before loving him that I truly realized the bad investments that I’ve made over the years. 

I’ve accepted a man who wouldn’t get a job because he made a career out of taking from me.  I was working my ass off to take care of an adult that I couldn’t even claim on my taxes.  BAD INVESTMENT!  I accepted a man who dated me for years with no intensions of making an honest woman out of me.  I’m sitting at his house cooking, cleaning, washing, and doing all my wifely duties, before heading back to my actual residence at my momma’s house.  BAD INVESTMENT!  I accepted a man who thought he was prettier than I was.  Here’s the kicker… This man had more issues than Vogue, and I was covering them up so much to protect his image to the point that his issues became my issues, and he had the nerve to shine the light on my flaws and attempt to get me together.  BAD DAMN INVESTMENT!

I could sit and write about this topic for hours, but I’m going to close out this blog by saying this.; anyone that’s willing to allow you to put them before yourself is someone you need to run far away from.  Anyone that’s consistently taking from you and failing to return the favor is a loser, user, abuser, and a low-down dirty word that starts with mother and ends with the letters “er.” That’s someone that you don’t need in your life.  You will never see the fruit of your labor because he or she will always eat it up.  That’s why it’s important to secure your mask before securing theirs.  Date yourself.  Learn your likes and dislikes.  Discover what makes you happy and what makes you sad.  Get dressed to impress not a single soul but yourself and walk around with the swag and confidence of a billion BeyoncĂ©’s.  Deposit love into your own heart and determine your own worth without feeling the need to be validated by being in a relationship.  Secure Your Mask First and Then Assist the Other Person!

By Dr. Keisha Starr AKA Author Keisha Starr

 

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